


White Rabbit

by daygloparker



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Pre-White House (West Wing), Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-05-06
Updated: 2002-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-15 14:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daygloparker/pseuds/daygloparker
Summary: When logic and proportion/ Have fallen sloppy dead,/ And the White Knight is talking backwards/ And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"/ Remember what the dormouse said:/ "Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head"





	White Rabbit

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

 

Title: White Rabbit

Author: Dayglo

Category: General, Pre-White House

Rating: PG

Summary: When logic and proportion/ Have fallen sloppy dead,/ And the White  
Knight is talking backwards/ And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"/ Remember  
what the dormouse said:/ "Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head"

Disclaimer: Not mine. Song's not mine either. Don't bother suing, I have no  
money.

Author's note: I've decided to start a POV series of the characters before  
Bartlet became President. This one's Leo.

He couldn't breathe again. It felt as though someone was sitting on his chest.  
All he could see was men dying. He was there again.

"Leo, Leo!"

"What?"

"You're having anxiety attacks again aren't you? That's it, tomorrow you're  
going to the doctor, he has to be able to do something to help you."

"I'm fine Jenny"

"No, you're not."

One pill makes you larger  
And one pill makes you small,  
And the ones that mother gives you  
Don't do anything at all.

"Alright, Mr. McGarry, the Valium should stave off the panic attacks, okay, just  
use caution in how many you take, Valium can be addictive."

"Okay"

Oh, this is much better, I haven't felt this good in a long time, not since  
before the war, at least. Let's see, I had one an hour ago, I could probably  
have another one now. I don't need to worry about becoming addicted, I'm  
stronger than that. I drink alcohol all the time, but I'm not an alcoholic. I  
could stop if I wanted to, but why would I want to, why would I ever want to  
stop feeling like this?

Go ask Alice  
When she's ten feet tall.

I search madly for the pills, pulling things out of the medicine cabinet.  
"Jenny! Where's the Valium?!"

She entered the room, "Where's the bottle you had a couple of days ago?" 

"It's gone"

"The entire thing?! Leo you have to stop, it's not going to take away all the  
pain, you know."

Ignoring her, I storm out of the bathroom to go get my prescription refilled.

And if you go chasing rabbits  
And you know you're going to fall,  
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar  
Has given you the call.

It's Mallory's fifth birthday and there's 10 little kids running around  
screaming at the top of their lungs. I fight the urge to go take some pills, I  
don't want to be out of it for her birthday. The screams haunt me, but I manage  
to get through it.

After the party is over, Mallory goes around popping the balloons. As she does,  
all I can hear is the gunfire. I make my way to the medicine cabinet.

Call Alice  
When she was just small.

I'm not sure where I am, but the foggy feeling in my head tells me I've had too  
much alcohol and Valium again. It's got to be late and I don't really want to  
call Jenny and hear the disappointment in her voice again, but it's cold out  
here and I don't know what else to do. Sighing, I find my cell phone, surprised  
I still have it on me, and press the button.

When the men on the chessboard  
Get up and tell you where to go  
And you've just had some kind of mushroom  
And your mind is moving low.  
Go ask Alice  
I think she'll know.

My tongue feels fuzzy and everything is tilting. "Jenny, what day is it?"

She sighs and says, "it's Saturday, Leo".

"Oh, well then why isn't Mallory at school?"

Anger, disappointment and resignation settle on her features as she answers,  
"because it's Saturday."

"Oh"

When logic and proportion  
Have fallen sloppy dead,  
And the White Knight is talking backwards  
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"  
Remember what the dormouse said:  
"Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head"

I awake to the sounds of guns and bombs and dying men. I can see them in my  
mind's eye. Jenny tries to get me to come back to her, but I can't. She's too  
far away. I can smell the blood and the sweat and I run to the bathroom, to the  
medicine cabinet. As my chest constricts for want of oxygen and the bombs flash  
before my eyes, I take the pills, ignoring Jenny's pleas. I know I should stop,  
but I can't. I need to not feel anymore, at least for a little while. The pain  
will be gone soon enough. Until the next time. I hear Jenny crying, but it  
doesn't register and I go pour myself a glass of Scotch and sit on the couch in  
the living room.

And I wait.  



End file.
